What’s up with the mood?

Every day I wake up with a different mood. I cannot really tell how my performance will be until I enter the theater and start my preparation. My preparation is primarily physical. But today was different. Today I did almost no physical preparation except for the 10 min collective mitakara just before the show. My main preparation today was an hour long sleep. And that was what I needed. Yesterday I was feeling exhausted before the performance, and that was how I felt during the performance. I had no energy. So I did the minimum. Result? Well, the most boring, or I can even say “dead” performance for me personally, with no feeling of enjoyment whatsoever, almost zero imagination (even at times I had this thought come to me, “oh I feel like a big failure in this scene, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to”), however a “wonderful” collective performance praised by Iida San and enjoyed by the audience. Now how can I make sense of that? I really can’t (yet :-)). But, I now know that my individual experience of my own performance has nothing to do with the success of the collective performance as perceived by audience. Well, it’s a kind of relieving observation. (I can feel like shit on stage, and still enjoy collective success.) And when I woke up this morning, I realized I had not slept well. I did not rest in the night’s sleep. And after I woke up from my nap in the theater, I concentrated on mental preparation, using Makoto noru. My main focus was to create a state of curiosity, not-knowing, awe and enchantment for every moment, to open myself up to the magic of flow and the miracles that the natural flow of life brings. For when I am on the stage with such a state of mind, I create a dream-like state for myself, and the stage comes alive. In such a state, everything that happens on the stage feels fresh and new, mysterious, magical, creating awe. This is what happened in today’s performance for me. The characters come alive, I see no more fellow performers on stage, but the characters they create. It is a collective dream that we create together, and we all come in and out of it during these two hours on stage. Once I’m out, I become Engin. Once I’m in, Engin disappears and the character takes over. The emotions felt by the character are also felt by Engin. So they are real. But they are within the dream, and they actually belong to the character. So sometimes it’s a kind of confusing situation. Although my emotions in daily life have communalities with the feelings that arise on stage, I think it is necessary and healthy to acknowledge that the feelings and emotions on stage actually belong to the character in the dream, and not to Engin. That being said, any catharsis that happens on stage actually serves Engin. And that is kind of what happened today for me. It was more in the form of tears, cleansing and opening up space inside me. I feel that when the dream-state is activated collectively, it becomes strong, something far stronger than what the performers contribute individually, which also captivates the audience and also makes them part of the dream. A strong exchange of energy and content occurs between the stage and the audience, and during this process, the performers have the power to communicate anything directly to the subconscious of the audience, therefore making it possible to have a strong impact in their lives, possibly opening up new doors for change. Today has been another proof for me showing that my state of mind, mood and attitude create my reality, both on stage and outside of stage. The big question for me here is “How can I manage my mood?”, “How can I create the state of mind I like whenever I like?”. For it looks like my mood is affected by many factors, many of which are beyond my knowledge, awareness or control. I know that my shadow, that is, my thoughts, emotions, desires and energies that I tend to reject and suppress, and how I deal with it has an important effect on my mood. I had such first-hand experience yesterday, where I had to go over all my negative thoughts and emotions to release them before the performance. Makoto noru is surely an effective and maybe indispensable tool I can use. Surprisingly enough, massaging the audience today during the pre-performance was helpful for me to change my mood positively. I am amazed at how unpredictable and changing my mood actually is, worse than the weather of Istanbul. My mood on Wednesday was very negative in the morning, and very positive in the afternoon and during the performance. My mood yesterday was negative with almost zero energy from the moment I entered the theater, and it continued to be so during the performance. Meanwhile, my mood today was not good initially, I felt tired and sleepy. But it changed after I took the nap. I felt really rested and fresh after the nap. Even though I did not feel so positive. Eventually I felt fresh, energetic, relaxed during the performance, which helped me enter the dream state. I was feeling even more relieved and relaxed after the performance. Iida San says that we can keep our positive makoto noru and imagination during the performance in any scene. So, for example, I can imagine peaceful world while I am in the fighting scene. For me, such idea initially sounds like something contradictory and not really practical to do. If I have a fight scene, I tend to imagine things that make me angry so that I can have the fighting energy for the scene. But today, I kind of managed to keep this joyful awesome/enchanted state in almost all my scenes. It feels like, some part of me is feeling the emotion necessary for the act, and another, maybe a deeper part of me is feeling the joy and awe that is the background on which my acting is being constructed. So yes, if I can do this with my emotion and mood, I can also do it with imagination and makoto noru. And this is how I can actually communicate with the audience on a deeper, maybe subconscious level; what Iida San has been talking about. However, imagination and makoto noru are mental processes that require mental effort, and therefore are challenging for me on stage. But hey, practice makes perfect.

(Engin)

仙台公演前夜☆(10月26日(水)レポート)

やってきました☆
明日から仙台公演です♪

そして、この濃い〜濃い〜2ヶ月の生活もひとときのいとまを告げようとしています。

そんな今日は、出演者の一人、なるくんこと田中成くんの誕生日でした♪

休憩時間中に、お祝いのケーキが2種類、名前入りオニギリ、プレゼントに花束…そして、胴上げo(^▽^)oが贈られ…ゲネプロでは、所々でハッピーバースデーのアドリブが入ったり…。

こういう時に現れるみんなの心の豊かさに触れるたびに、心身に沁みるものがあります。

そしてそういう心持ち、日々の在り方が、舞台でも現れていたようです。

今日、どれだけのイノチが生まれ、どれだけのイノチがいとまを迎えているのでしょう。

今この瞬間、この地上、この宇宙では何が起こっているのでしょう…。

地球は、宇宙は、今も動き続け、人もそれに否応無く左右されていますね。
先日、稽古中に、鳥取での地震速報が携帯に入りました。
近辺のみなさまは、いかがお過ごしなのでしょう。
みんなの出身地の人々はどんな日々を暮らしているのでしょう。

そんな様々なことに想いを馳せながら、明日から3日間、私たちは宮城県仙台市宮城野区文化センターの舞台上で、観に来てくださるみなさまとその瞬間を生き、時間をともに過ごすことでしょう。
みなさまの目に何が映るのか、何が思い起こされるのか、何が沸き起こるのか、同時に私たちの目に何が映るのか、何が思い起こされるのか、何が沸き起こるのか愉しみです。

お時間許されましたら、ぜひ観にお越しください♪

(坂東恭子)

the last couple of weeks

SO much has happened in the last couple of weeks! First the whole experience of going to Tokyo and finally performing after 5 weeks of creation and preparation - it was intense!

For me, this was mostly about learning and practicing different aspects of professionalism - having a certain discipline, managing my time, energy and expectations, working together and communicating better as a team, accepting criticism and finally, actually building bridges with a real audience each performance. I think we all had to dig deeper and find ways to assimilate it all. After the criticism of our 5th show I felt flat but didn't have much time to actually digest what had happened before our final performance. The only response I could do in the moment was to let go of some of the unnecessary effort I'd put into earlier shows, and trust that maybe something more authentic would come through. In the end I believe it did, though it took several days back in Nishiwaga to feel confident about all this and ready to move on.

Originally I thought we might lose momentum with the long break between Tokyo and Sendai, but I see now we really needed this. In Nishiwaga the weather turned cold but was even more beautiful as the Fall colors deepened, the supermoon we had in Tokyo waned, and we had much time to reflect and talk at the onsen, and many goodbyes to the people of Nishiwaga who have welcomed us so warmly. Its been a week to integrate and gather our energy for these last days in Sendai, all of us now feeling how our time together is about to come to an end. So after a stunning drive through the mountains and a dreamlike soak at the wind-blown sulphur springs we are now back in Sendai where I first met Shigemi Iida and Ruiko Chiba back on Sept. 3rd. I'm glad we have a New Moon for our last performance together, a good time to seed our vision for how to build upon this whole experience once we each head home...

(Johnny)

さよなら西和賀、こんにちは仙台！

今日は 旅立ちの日。

１ヶ月半
お世話になった西和賀とも
いよいよ お別れとなります。

朝から みんなで
滞在させていただいていた
伯楽と体験ハウスの掃除をして

お世話になった方々と
お別れの挨拶を交わしました。

西和賀のみなさんは

何度もパーティーを開いてくださったり

野菜をたくさんくださったり

困ったときにサッと対応してくださったり。。。

何度も何度も
チカラになっていただきました。

しかも
氣持ちで動いてくださっていることが
いつも伝わってくるのです。

最後の最後まで
何かしてくれようとする
あまりに親切な西和賀の皆さん。

海外メンバーはいつも
「こんな所は他に知らない」と
びっくり感激していました。

ここに滞在して
ここで創作させていただけたことは
海外メンバーにとってはもちろん
日本メンバーみんなにとっても
とても大きなことでした。

もちろん
私にとってもです。


あらためて
このご縁に感謝して。


いざ、仙台へ出発！！


途中、須川高原温泉に寄って
温泉と紅葉を堪能しつつ。。。
紅葉がちょうど見頃で
素晴らしく美しかったです。

海外メンバーに
日本の魅力を紹介するとき
私は、日本人であることが
本当に嬉しくなります。

私は日本人なんだなって
あらためて思い出します。


明日からまた
宮城野区文化センターにて
仙台公演に向けて
リハーサルです。

そして
あっと言う間に本番です。

つまり
この地球家族が
また散り散りになるまで
あとわずか。

このメンバーだからこそできることを。
この日本でだからこそできることを。

悔いの残らないように。
やり切るのみです！！！

(渡部恵美子)

東京公演初日！(10月15日(土)レポート)

とうとう、やって来ました☆
東京公演初日♪

とはいえ、昨日、お昼に公開稽古、夜に公開ゲネ(プレビュー)を行ったので、お客様を目の前にしてパフォーマンス を行うのは、今日が３&４回目になります。

お客さんの反応はそれぞれですが、
概ね、晴れやかなお顔で、
何かしらを持ち帰ってくださっているようです。

お客さんによって笑いのツボが違って、
拍手の出るツボも異なるので、
毎回がライブです。
あぁここで笑わはるんやなぁとか、
今回のお客さんの笑いのツボはここじゃなかったのね〜、
おぉ、拍手がきた！
など、お客さんとの交流が生まれ、それを肌で感じられるのは、生の良さですね。

大切に思うことは人それぞれだけれども、言葉が違っても、想いは同じだったりしますよね。
それは、言葉を使わなくても伝わります。

この宇宙を形づくっている最小単位のものは皆同じで、その組み合わせが違うことで、私たちはそれぞれ、今ここにいるわけで、その不思議を想うと、全てのものが愛おしく感じられます。

2011年3月11日の翌日の朝、職場へと歩いている時に、どんな自然災害が起きても、今のところ、地球は回転していて、何事もなかったかのように太陽は昇ってきて新しい一日が始まっていると感じた時に、私たちが生きることも、まずは、そんなシンプルなことなのだと感じました。

自分が生まれてきたことの意味より、
この世に生まれたことを愉しみ全うすることを想ったら、
みんなもっと生きごこち良いですよね。

誰も戦争するために生まれてきたんじゃない、
税金払うために生まれてきたんじゃない、
誰かに支配されて指示されて生きるんじゃなく、それぞれのイノチを楽しんで毎日を生きることをそれぞれが心得て、
お互いのイノチを大切に感じるだけで、変わることがいっぱいありそうです。

私の中では、舞台は、真っ暗な宇宙に浮かんでいる一枚板のように感じています。もしくは、サン=テグジュペリの『星の王子さま』が住む星のような感じです。
みなさんにはどう感じられるでしょうか。

この舞台が、はてしない宇宙にポツンと浮かぶ星のイノチを改めて想う時となり、
大好きな人たちと平和に笑って暮らしているんでいいんだっていう想いを確かめる場になればと想っています。


開場から開演前まで、出演者からお客さまにマッサージ、リラクゼーションを行なっています。

もし良かったら、少しお早めにお越しくださいね♪

最終回にはまだお席に余裕があるようです。
お時間ありましたら、どうぞお越しください♪

(坂東恭子)

東京入り。劇場入り！

今日はついに
全メンバー東京へ！

お世話になった西和賀とも
少しの間、お別れです。


早起きをして
旅支度を済ませて
ほっとゆだ駅～北上駅～東京へ。

修学旅行のように
みんなはぐれないように
大所帯で大移動です。

新幹線はとても早くて
あっという間に
自然豊かな村から
大都会東京に着きました。


そしてついに劇場入り。
シアターxカイへ。

数々の奇跡の舞台を生み出した
歴史ある劇場だそうです。


前日から、技術スタッフの方々が
何時間もかけて
ステージを作っていてくださったのですが
実際に座席に座ってみると
低い位置が全く見えないという問題が発生。

届けたいものを
届けられる形にするには
ステージ全体を
一段高くする必要がどうしてもある。。。

しかしそれは
一度作ったステージをバラして
また作り替えるという
とても時間と手間のかかる作業で
翌日からのスケジュールに
食い込むことは確実でした。

それでも
飯田さんをはじめ
スタッフのみなさま一同
ステージの作り直しを決意。
出演メンバーも
ステージでの稽古が減ることを覚悟しました。

技術スタッフの方々に
ステージをお任せし
飯田さんと出演メンバーで
劇場のロビーに出て
ミーティングをしていると
突然、劇場内から「わっ」と
声が上がりました。

劇場に入ってみると
なんと！なんと！

そこには
一段高くなった
理想の形のステージが！！

翌日までかかると言われていた作業が
まるでマジックのように
ものの数分で成されてしまいました。

技術スタッフの方々は
とても難しい作業を
チカラを合わせて
奇跡的にやってのけたようです。
プロ魂を感じずにはいられませんでした。

おかげで私たちは
その日から
ほぼ予定どおりに
ステージで稽古を始めることができました。

東京でのサポートメンバーの
たなそえご飯もいただき
たくさんのお力添えが
本当にありがたかったです。


劇場では
慣れ親しんだシーンに
音響と照明、そして場のチカラが加わり
全く違うものとして目に映りました。


そして目の前には
ずらりと並んだ客席。

そこに並ぶ
たくさんのお客さまの顔を
思い描きます。


ひとつひとつのシーンで
いらしていただいたお客さまと
どう交流したいか。
何を届けたいか。
何を共有したいか。

この劇場から、この世界に
何を拡げたいのか？？

私たちは
何をしに、ここに集まったのか？？

丁寧に、丁寧に。
思い描いていきました。



そして
それぞれのシーンについて
出演者同士で
想いを擦り合わせる時間を持ちました。


形だけでは
決して作品は完成しません。

響き合う相手がいるから。
そこに想いがあるから。

全てが揃って
完成するのだということを
もう一度
自分自身のなかに落とし込みます。



明日から、もう少しの間
真剣勝負は続きます。

みんなで
この舞台を完成させるために。。。



みなさまにお会いできるのを
楽しみにしております◎



(渡部恵美子)

Dei sogni e dei sognatori … ( des rêves et des rêveurs , about dreams and dreamers )

Finally that time has arrived. Sun shine, the bags are packed, Hakuraku house is really calm and peaceful, all around someone is sleeping, reading, writing, on the background Boyama dah San is playing for birds is kora music. Today is our last day in Nishiwaga and also last holiday (or maybe will be better to say holy-day ) before performing time in Tokyo; our precious MA before sharing with others not just our performance, but rather the long and intense process that gives birth to it. From one self, to our circle, to everybody.

It reminds me of Cavafis's poem Ithaca ...the journey itself is sometimes more important than the destination. Ithaca, pushes us along the way, thanks to Ithaca we live, we fight, we love, we savor distant perfumes, discover faces and souls, we feel the river flow and the rain slip on our body. And when finally we reached her, she will have already given us much more than her wells ... she has already given us the journey and new eyes. And I will add, for what good is such journey if we don’t tell about it to anyone, if it is not useful to someone? For what good it is if we cannot whisper with love our story to someone and for a while make him able to fly far away among the greats landscapes we explored and make him feel the strong desire to leave himself searching for his own Ithaca?

It is for that I respect our director. Before anything else he is an unbelievable believer and dreamer, with enough strength, tenacity and confidence to move reality. He has involved us in his dream asking us to put inside of it, our own dreams, our best feelings and imaginations for us and for this world. At the same he never stops to encourage us to believe in dreams and above all to feel and imagine with them in each moment, in each action of our lives, as performers and as human beings.

My generation is so lucky compared with my parent’s generation. Our “produzione materiale dell esistenza ”, our basics needs were almost assured. The work of many generations allowed us to have the time to doubt, imagine and dream. What a chance we have in such complex and hard historical moment, at the same time full of great possibilities? Paradoxically sometime we seems lost in this big chance. Of course! Dreams have no defined way. We will be like a river, searching and digging our way to the sea. Nobody will tell us how to do, nobody can really help us. We cannot blame anyone for our successes or failures, for what we done or not done. Unknown forests make feel fear. But we are such a great miracle! If we could remember it every day… Why I'm here among these stars, shaken by this east wind? Well, for that! Because I feel so lucky and grateful. I feel that many generations have worked hard to give me this sacred flame with a confident smile, I feel responsible, I’d like to give it back, to feed it, to expand it to the whole world, I would not waste anything, many times I don’t know the way, sometimes I’m afraid to not find ... but if not this sense what sense otherwise for a human being?

Persons unknown from all over the Japan and the inner world have met here in the Far East, driven by a joyful wind. We spent a month together 24h a day, a month that seems like a lifetime and at the same time one day. I find it impossible to do a rewind of this time, it was so full of joy, sharing, life and energy. We met speechless and we loved without a cause, or perhaps there is a cause ... the dream, de desire to create beauty and love.

A performance does not exist without a dream, without the confidence to make it real. A performance does not exist without its creation process, this great and mysterious collective process of materialization of an imaginary and especially it doesn’t exist without ardent dreamers. A performance is temporary and fragile moment of “Phanos” apparition. It cannot be for itself or in itself.

This performance does not exist without this month we intensely lived together creating and imagining, beyond ourselves, beyond forms, a performance and a life both full of love and humanity, full of dreams and hopes ... and it will have meaning only if we will be able to share it with others, exactly as in life. Our Ithaca would like to be the starting point, an inspiration for the Ulysses who lives in everyone to joint is onw Ithaca…

Night has fallen down, good night dreamers ...

(Nicla)